Another academic poo story

While a mate was at Imperial College many years ago he was in the Union Bar and in strides the College Loony. "If I crap in my pint of Lager and then drink it, who's going to buy me another pint?" Many hands go up, so Loony buys himself a pint, gulps a third of it to make room and then heads for the basher. A couple of minutes later he returns proudly brandishing his glass with promised floater standing therein. A few seconds later the deed is done, and those that haven't run to the basher clutching their stomachs and/or mouths are buying the drinks as honour demands. As a grand finale / encore Loony eats the turd before starting on the free lager. It was of course a mars bar but I'd defy anyone to tell the difference after a couple of minutes immersion in watery college beer.

Gargantuan

Not as bad as one I read earlier but while at a previous job there was a rather large chap (read: fat as fuck) who constantly stank out the sales floor, one time so much that the MD actually had to give him a stern talking to.
I was working at my desk on the ground floor and noticed that there was water running down the wall, turned out that not only had he blocked up the trap he was using but had wedged the enormous piece of shit in the main sewerage system somehow backing up all of the plumbing in the building!
Took a while to sort out as because it had managed to slime its way out of the building and into the public systems the Council had to come and shift it.
That day from that point on was known as 'The Hunt For Brown October'.

Woof

My old man used to be a copper, he was called out to a burglary once at an old womens house, when he arrived she let him in and an Alsation dog followed, the dog proceded into the living room and sat in front of the fire,
my dad started talking to the old woman, during which the dog took a shit on the carpet, the old woman didnt say a word,
when he went to leave he was just about to get in his car when the woman shouted "Are you not going to take your dog with you?"